Family Gatherings
From the Perspective of a Veterinary Technician
Like many people, I am close to my family, and I am fortunate that most of them respect my career path. They usually don’t ask for veterinary advice beyond my scope of practice (i.e., “go to your vet,” as I am a technician and would not diagnose your pet over the phone, even if I could). Most of them even follow my advice (yes, brushing your dog’s teeth at least three times a week will help prevent dental disease). But there’s always one. For most people in vet med, there are usually several.
My niece was baptized a few weeks ago, and my sister, of course, invited her in-laws. Her mother-in-law is a kind person overall, but she can be “a lot”. She is very domineering but also has her feelings hurt easily. We’ve clashed before about her refusal to accept boundaries. For example, I don’t like any type of seafood, and as I am almost 40 years old, I will not “just try it” again, in case this time is somehow different from the last time I did, no matter how many times she insists. My sister, knowing my dislike of seafood and having witnessed me try it, just makes sure there’s something else for me to eat and avoids inviting me over for crabs.
But back to the baptism...
We gathered at my sister and brother-in-law’s home, and his mother, whom I’ll refer to as Polly, wanted to catch up. I don’t come over often when she’s there, and I usually can’t make it to their house when they invite everyone for holidays because I work overnights in emergency vet med. She asked how I liked my “new” job, which I’d had for a little over a year at this point. I said it was fine, similar to my previous job, just with a different company. I try really hard not to discuss work because it can be uncomfortable for people outside vet med. There aren’t a lot of polite ways to bring up maggots in conversation, and while I enjoy transfusion medicine and CPR, it sounds... weird. But Polly kept pushing me to talk about work.
I mentioned that we had treated a pig because that’s unusual. I generally see cats and dogs, and I work in a big city with not many farms nearby. This pet pig had been attacked, and the owner drove nearly two hours to us because no one closer was able to treat it. But Polly and her sister, who I had never met before, wanted more details. Why did we see the pig? What attacked it? Was it pit bulls? They kept insisting it was pit bulls. I had no idea what attacked the pig, and neither did the owner. I kept correcting them, then just changed the subject.
After I left, my sister texted me that Polly couldn’t believe I didn’t want to talk more about my job and what I’d seen. For half of my sister’s life, I’ve worked in vet med. She knows why I don’t talk about it. She used to bring one of my cats to work for me when we needed an emergency blood donor. She knows about the friends I’ve lost. She never pushes me to talk about work and accepts the things I do tell her with amusement or disgust, depending on the reaction I’m going for (because sisters). She steered Polly away from that line of questioning as best she could but wanted to warn me. I was pretty annoyed, and asked her, "Would she have wanted to hear about the young city cop who decided he couldn’t wait for animal control to get the cat he suspected had been shot, because it wasn’t actually dead? He came flying up with his lights and sirens and, with a lost voice, told me he didn’t know what to do now because it was his first cruelty case." Or should Polly want to hear about the photos of abuse cases done at my hospital after we stabilized the patients? What about the veteran who served three tours in Afghanistan and came back with severe PTSD, who watched a strange dog tear apart his much smaller pet while they were minding their business on their leashed evening walk? So, in addition to stabilizing this little old dog, we had a veteran having a mental health crisis who needed acute help. Those cases are less common than the numerous puppies I see dying from parvovirus or who don’t make it during a C-section. Nor do they want to hear about the number of cats I see who have urinary tract obstructions and die because they’re so young.
Polly’s son is a deputy sheriff. He is a veteran. She does not ask him for specifics about his job. Recently, he’s been doing more as a shooting instructor. He talks about that, and the time he used one of the newer, nicer squad cars, not realizing the controls were in different spots, and how that was an issue. We talk about the police dogs and search and rescue dogs associated with the force, and how I didn’t think it was a good idea for him to try to be a handler right now, with two small children and an older boxer mix who is possessive of his people. Polly would never dream of asking him to discuss his work in specifics. It’s not really polite conversation.
Human ER physicians and nurses aren’t encouraged to discuss the trauma and death they see. Why does anyone think someone working in a veterinary emergency hospital plays with puppies and kittens all day?
Written By: Simone Conwell, RVT
